Yazoo Street Scandal

Whoops

2009-04-30T23:43:00.000-04:00

Hey, sorry for not having posted anything since the middle of March.

I forgot my password (it was bilbobaggins).

I'll post more often from now on. Then again, I'd just about have to.

Oh noes

2009-03-11T15:16:00.004-04:00

If Bristol 'n' Levi can't make it work, what chance do any of the rest of us have?

The complete article, which sadly is not available online, purports to have the details about "the hate-filled text message Bristol sent Levi." It probably read something like this:

OMFG U R SUCH A FAG!! I AM GOING 2 HAVE JON MCCANE KICK YR STUPID ASS! I WISH I NEVER FUCKED U!!!! PS TELL YR MOMS I NEED MORE METH K?

Remains of the day

2009-03-11T13:47:00.002-04:00

This is what can happen when people value the fetus above all things: no fewer than six cops break into the residence, without a search warrant, of a woman who suffered a miscarriage, and who had been trying to dispose of the fetal remains with dignity and in accordance with the law.

I hope these people sue the hell out of the Glendale, California, police department.

This can't be good

2009-03-10T12:14:00.002-04:00

At least one chimpanzee began to amass an arsenal of rocks with which he intended to assault zoo visitors.

Apparently Santino, the chimp in question, began stockpiling his weapons of mass contusion as far back as 1997, so for once this can't even be pinned on the George W. Bush administration.

Yay

2009-03-08T16:24:00.002-04:00

The best drama on television begins its second season this evening. I've been looking forward to this for a long time.

An' a one toke over the line

2009-03-01T00:56:00.002-05:00

I wonder how many stoners watching the Lawrence Welk show for giggles back in the day stumbled upon this and vowed never to get high again.

Socks to be you

2009-02-24T20:18:00.005-05:00

Astute readers of this blog, assuming that I have any, have surely noticed that I haven't been posting for a while. For like three weeks, actually.

Why not, Anthony? I can hear you saying. Is there something wrong? Can we help in any way?

First off, let me say that I am fine. Rumors that I have been in Switzerland to get a total blood transfusion are false, no matter what you may have heard elsewhere. Nor have I gotten into any legal trouble.

I have been away for a very good reason. A few weeks ago, I learned that a close friend of mine was ill, very ill indeed. I canceled all my commitments and immediately took the next flight out so I could be by his side. I tried to get him the best medical care available. Experimental treatments did prolong his life for a few days, but ultimately ol' Killy McGee had his way, as he always does, and about ten days ago, the best friend I ever had left this earth.

I speak, of course, of Socks the Cat, or as he was known to his closest friends, STC.

STC had cancer of the jaw, which made it nearly impossible for him to drink his daily saucer of beer. After consulting with Bill, Hillary, and Chelsea Clinton, as well as Socks's last owner (as if anyone could own such a magnificent, free-thinking animal) Betty Currie, we decided to put Socks down. And after we put him down, we picked him up again, and drove him to a veterinarian, who injected him with a massive shot of phenobarbital, in honor of Abbie Hoffman, whose life was an inspiration to STC since his kitten days.

After a tasteful cremation ceremony, we scattered Socks's ashes over Wrigley Field, as per his frequent request.

Those of us who knew and loved Socks the Cat, and we are legion, will never forget that amazing feline and his many contributions to our civic life. We will not know his like again.

RIP, STC.

Bong hits 4 Phelps

2009-02-03T20:55:00.002-05:00

Rodney Balko, also known as The Agitator, wrote the letter that he wishes Michael Phelps had written. Here's an excerpt:

I’ll apologize when the sons, daughters, and nephews of powerful politicians who get caught possessing or dealing drugs in the frat house or prep school get the same treatment as the no-name, probably black kid caught on the corner or the front stoop doing the same thing.

Until then, I for one will have none of it. I smoked pot. I liked it. I’ll probably do it again. I refuse to apologize for it, because by apologizing I help perpetuate this stupid lie, this idea that what someone puts into his own body on his own time is any of the government’s damned business. Or any of yours.

Here's the whole thing.

I myself smoked pot only one time: the time between 1975 and 1987. But even though it's been more than 21 years since I've taken a toke (inhaling secondhand smoke at a Neil Young concert simply does not count, even if I did have to lean in a little to get some), I think it's insane that it's against the law to smoke some kind herb, while it's perfectly legal to buy, for about $20, enough booze to get two or three people completely shitfaced.

Slammed

2009-02-03T20:35:00.006-05:00

"Which one of you assholes ordered the free Grand Slam? Oh, that's right. All of you did."

Since I don't get high any more, I don't have any reason to eat at Denny's. But today they were giving away free Grand Slam breakfasts (two pancakes, two eggs, two sausage links, two strips of bacon) between the hours of 6 AM and 2 PM, so I thought what the hell, I'm always up for some free cholesterol early in the morning.

This morning I got up early and swung by the home of my colleague Randal Graves, who is also a mooch of some reknown, and we drove to the nearest Denny's, the one mentioned in this story. We got there at 6:15 AM. I figured that there would be no line at that unholy hour.

I figured wrong. As we pulled into the parking lot we could tell that the place was hopping. When we drove alongside the place, we could see that all the tables and booths were filled, and a line had formed. There was no way we were going to get served and still make it to work on time.

"Fuck this," one of us said. Okay, it was me. I said it. We decided to abandon our free Grand Slam dream and went to eat breakfast at a local diner instead. It was good, but it wasn't free. It wasn't even cheap, for that matter. We made it to work on time, though.

Randal and I tried and we failed, and as Homer Simpson taught us long ago, the lesson is: never try. I can't speak for Randal, but from now on I'm sticking with my usual breakfast: a cup of coffee and a piece of beef jerky. Believe me, there's no better way to start the day.

An untimely Inaguration Day recap

2009-01-29T12:12:00.009-05:00

As you know, I attended the inauguration ceremony last week.

My friend J. and drove from Cleveland to the Vienna, Virginia Metro station, where we took a train to the office of Congressman Dennis J. Kucinich to get our tickets. This is what we saw when we got off the Metro train:It took us a while to get our bearings, but we eventually figured out how to get to the Rayburn House Office Building.

When J. and I were finally let in, we tried to find Kucinich's office. A woman in the building asked if we needed help. We told her who we were there to see and she smiled. "I'm his scheduler," she said. "I'll take you there."

She did. Kucinich was in the office, accompanied by his wife and his brother. Dennis was shaking hands and posing for pictures but his wife demurred, claiming she didn't feel photogenic that day. I did get my picture taken with The Kooch, and I took one of him with J. as well.

We got our ticket packet and thanked everyone, then we made our way back to the Capital South Metro station. We had to wait in line for about an hour but eventually we got our train back to Vienna.

From there we drove to a Red Roof Inn in Manassas. After checking in, J. and I went out to eat at a nearby Outback steakhouse. We were surprised to be asked if we wanted smoking or non-smoking seats. In Ohio smoking in restaurants has been outlawed for about two years now. We asked for non-smoking seats and got them, but a woman sitting in the smoking section, two feet from us on the other side of a partition, was legally and gleefully smoking her little lungs out, and naturally some of that smoke made its way over to our airspace. Not cool, Outback. Not cool.

J. and I set our alarms for 3:30 AM the next morning, hoping to be "out the door by four." We nearly made it, leaving the hotel at 4:18 AM. From there we drove to the Vienna Metro station, a trip which would have taken 20 or 30 minutes under normal conditions. Of course, with all the inaugural viewers, normal conditions did not apply. We finally got to the train station at about 6 AM.

After an hour's wait, we finally boarded a Metro train for DC. We got to our station at about 9:30 or 10 AM, much later than we'd hoped to. We made our way through the crowded streets and took up a position somewhat near the entrance where Silver ticketholders (the least desirable standing room tickets) were to be let in to the Mall.

Time passed, and it looked as though we weren't going to make it to the Mall area in time to see or hear anything. But at 11:20, ten minutes before the ceremony was to begin, DC police let the assembled throng pass through a gate. J. and I jostled through the crowd, trying to find a vantage point from which we could see anything.I would estimate that we were about one-third of a mile from the staging area. Through binoculars we could see the participants. Fortunately we were quite near a good loudspeaker, so we could hear everything just fine.

It was awesome to be standing on the Mall when President Obama finally took the oath of office. People were laughing, crying, hugging each other, applauding.

Having spent the better part of the last two days in lines and in huge crowds, J. and I decided to leave before the ceremony was officially over. We made our way back to the train station
where once again we had to wait an hour before we boarded our train. The ride back to Vienna was, of course, crowded. I had to stand nearly the entire way.

It was crowded, it was confusing, it was sort of expensive (what with the gasoline, the Red Roof's inflated rates, etc.), and we were cold and uncomfortable for most of the time. But it was well worth it. J. is a delightful traveling companion, and I want to thank her again for putting up with my petulance. It wouldn't have been nearly as rewarding without you.

Good luck, President Obama. And thanks for the tickets, Denny K!

$34 million

2009-01-19T21:00:00.001-05:00

You have got to be fucking kidding me.

Dick got hurt

2009-01-19T20:54:00.003-05:00

Gee, that's too fucking bad:

Vice President Dick Cheney pulled a muscle in his back while moving boxes and will be in a wheelchair for Tuesday's inauguration ceremony.

White House press secretary Dana Perino said Cheney was helping to move into his new home outside Washington in McLean, Virginia, when he injured his back.

Moving boxes, my ass. He was trying to destroy evidence.

Maybe he can score some Percocet or Vicodin from his pal Cindy.

In DC

2009-01-19T20:31:00.004-05:00

My traveling companion and I made it to DC this morning, getting to our Metro train station by 11:15 AM. After trying with no luck to find an available parking space in one of the nearby lots, we parked at a metered space and tried to make sense of the instructions printed on the meter. Today is a federal holiday: do we have to feed the meter or not?

Fortunately for us, a kind cabdriver told us that yes, we would be ticketed or towed if we parked there without jamming about $20 into the meter, and showed us how to get to a nearby parking garage where parking was, can you believe it, free for the day.

Next we waited in line for about 40 minutes to buy Metro farecards for the day and for tomorrow. Once we bought the cards, a process made simpler by the kind assistance of a Metro employee, it took us only 30 seconds to walk down the steps and get aboard a Metro train, which whisked us into downtown DC within minutes.

A phone call to the office of our congressman Dennis J. Kucinich put us on the right path to finding the Rayburn House Office Building, where again a long line awaited us. But it moved swiftly, and soon we were greeted at the door by Kucinich's scheduler, who led us to The Kooch's congressional office. Kucinich himself, along with his wife Elizabeth, was on hand to greet everyone. We posed for photos with the dude.

Despite the long lines and crowds, everything went very smoothly. After we made our way to our hotel room, we went out to eat steak and vegetables like the good Americans that we are. We plan to leave the hotel room by 4 AM in order to get to our standing room spots by 7:30 or 8 tomorrow morning.

More later!

Bush League says goodbye

2009-01-19T20:17:00.006-05:00

On the last full day of the Bush presidency, and god damn how sweet is it to type those words, it is altogether right and proper that my friend Wyatt Reed should give us one last installment of his Bush League cartoon.

The panel above is a sort of coda to the entire series. Once you've read it, go here to read the final cartoon.

Off to DC

2009-01-18T20:48:00.002-05:00

As I've mentioned here before, I have tickets for the inauguration ceremony on Tuesday, and I plan to be there. My traveling companion and I have booked a room at the Red Roof Inn in in Manassas, Virginia, and hope to get to DC via the Metro. Officials estimate that there will be approximately eleventy jillion people in DC for the festivities, so wish us luck.

I'll bring my laptop and I'll try to blog from the road if I can. Otherwise, I'll post again late Tuesday or early Wednesday.

Our long national nightmare is almost over. So long, Bush! Go fuck yourself, Cheney!

Rhesus feces

2009-01-15T13:45:00.007-05:00

Stoopid monkey:

CLEARWATER, Fla. (AP): Wildlife officials said a rhesus monkey known to throw feces when mad is on the loose in Tampa Bay. Authorities have been trying to capture the primate since Tuesday afternoon, but it managed to evade a bucket truck and tranquilizer dart.

He probably just went down to Florida to visit his brother Jeb. If they just leave a peanut butter and jelly sandwich in a trap, they ought be able to bring him in right away.

Thanks to frequent commenter RFdude for the news tip.

The pros and cons of animal ownership

2009-01-15T00:20:00.002-05:00

From Des Moines, Iowa, comes this story of an attentive cat and a clumsy-ass goat:

Firefighters say a cat is the hero and a goat is the goat in a house fire that destroyed an Iowa home this week.

The blaze in Warren County was believed to have been started by a goat that knocked over a space heater in an attached shed Tuesday and it might have proved deadly had the family cat not awakened the sleeping residents.

In defense of the goat, it's really not a brilliant idea to leave a space heater plugged into a socket in an unattended shed where animals can romp about. Still, if that had been my house, I'd be dining on roast goat once I found a new place to live. My friend from New Zealand eats goat meat all the time and she assures me that, when properly prepared, it is quite delicious.

Tea for one

2009-01-10T16:22:00.003-05:00

From Michael McIntyre's Tipoff, at cleveland.com:

In Westlake, police arrested an 18-year-old Avon man and charged him with driving under the influence and possession of marijuana.

His first name, Zeppelin, caused some chuckles as police assumed the kid's parents must have been big Led Zeppelin fans. Capt. Guy Turner said the suspect definitely wasn't in paradise after his arrest, but quipped that with the drugs he was apparently using, "He was at least two or three steps up the 'Stairway to Heaven.'"

Zeppelin, who lives with his brothers Skynyrd, Creedence, and Floyd, could not be reached for comment. A reporter named Dave who phoned the residence was repeatedly told "Dave's not here, man."

An observation

2009-01-04T19:52:00.002-05:00

Having worked only three out of the last eleven days has created a certain indolence which is going to be difficult to overcome.

Oh, Barkley!

2009-01-01T19:46:00.002-05:00

You irrepressible hound, you:

This may be the very best police report of 2008. When Charles Barkley was busted in Arizona [on Dec. 31] for DUI, he told cops he ran a stop sign because he was in a hurry to get some oral sex.

According to the officer who wrote the report, "He told me that he ran the stop sign because he was in a hurry to pick up the girl I saw get in the passenger seat."

The officer continues: "He asked me to admit that she was 'hot.' He asked me, 'You want the truth?' When I told him I did he said, 'I was gonna drive around the corner and get a blow job.' He then explained that she had given him a blow job one week earlier and said it was the best one he had ever had in his life."

The Smoking Gun has more, including a copy of the police report.

At one point Barkley reportedly told the arresting officer that if he could get him out of the DUI, "I’ll tattoo your name on my ass." I think we've all seen that trick before.

Hell, I'm so old, I remember a time when rich celebrities used to hire drivers when they went out to get liquored up. They even used to go to hotel rooms when they wanted to have cheap, meaningless sex with women they picked up on the street, instead of "driving around the corner" to have it in their cars. How times have changed!

Happy new year

2008-12-31T16:25:00.003-05:00

The staff and management of Yazoo Street Scandal want to thank their readers and to wish them a happy new year!

At the start of this year I made a vow to myself to post on this blog every day in 2008. I had to fudge a few time stamps here and there (hey, sometimes I'm out past midnight), and I put up more than my share of lame posts, but I did make my goal.

For 2009 I am going to try to shoot for quality over quantity. That will mean fewer, but better, posts. Let's see what happens!

--AC

It's quite simple, really

2008-12-30T23:56:00.002-05:00

In a recent interview with that good grey lady of print journalism, the Casper Star-Tribune, Vice-President Dick Cheney was asked:

Q. How do you explain your low approval rating?

A. I don't have any idea. I don't follow the polls.

Oh, well, I do, so let me answer the question for you, Mr. Vice-President. You have a low approval rating because people accurately view you as a corrupt, power-hungry bastard who lies every time he opens his mouth, and who has consistently acted in the interest of rich white men and against the best interests of average Americans. Plus you have a goofy expression on your face most of the time, your wife's a hypocritical bitch, and you shot an old man in the face and you didn't talk to law enforcement officials about it until many hours had passed, probably because you were drunk off your ass on beer or Chivas Regal. People would rather eat fried shit than endure much more of your kind of leadership.

You're welcome. Let me know if I can explain anything else to you.

Best of 2008

2008-12-29T23:12:00.004-05:00

The blogger Jon Swift recently asked everyone on his blogroll to select what they consider to be the best post from their own blog in 2008. What's more, he even invited some people who are NOT on his blogroll to participate.

The result? Dozens of bloggers, from the brilliant to the banal, responded to Swift's invitation. It's a fascinating look back at 2008, and a chance to reread some real gems, including Tbogg's evisceration of Ralph Nader voters, The Rude Pundit's full-throated post-election "fuck you" to some people who truly deserved it, Melissa McEwan's kiss-off to some asshole named George, and many more. Even better is the chance to check out some posts you may have overlooked, such as Comrade PhysioProf's tutorial on how to blog good.

My own contribution, a meditative piece on the novelty of an utterance about a certain act performed in an inflatable igloo in France, is also included. And if that's not enough to get you to click over there, Swift has thrown in some LOLcats created for the occasion. Why, he's thought of everything except free balloons for the kids!

You can read Swift's year-end roundup here.

Heckuva job

2008-12-28T21:27:00.002-05:00

Finishing 4-12.

Losing their last six games of the season, the last two by getting shut out.

Using five different quarterbacks, and seeing their top three each get injured.

Ending the season by not scoring an offensive touchdown in their last 24 quarters. That's six full games with only one touchdown, and that on an intercepted pass run in for a score.

A general manager who's already been shitcanned, and a head coach who is about to be.

Heckuva job, Brownies.

From "Bad Newz" to good news

2008-12-27T23:22:00.003-05:00

The cover story of this week's issue of Sports Illustrated is devoted to a look at what happened to the dogs that former Atlanta Falcons quarterback Michael Vick had been abusing at his "Bad Newz Kennels."

Thanks to the efforts of organizations such as the ASPCA and the Best Friends Animal Sanctuary, nearly all of the abused dogs found at "Bad Newz" are still alive today, and are being cared for by loving, knowledgeable people. While many of the dogs will need to live at animal shelters for the rest of their lives, some of the dogs will ultimately be adopted by caring pet owners.

Read the Sports Illustrated story here.

Airing of grievances

2008-12-26T23:58:00.001-05:00

One of the three great traditions of Festivus is the Airing of Grievances, in which one tells one's family and friends about the ways they have disappointed the grievance-airer in the past year.

I went to a Festivus gathering earlier this evening. We didn't actually do any Airing of Grievances there, but if we had, I might have told one of my best friends that his continued refusal to admit to his substance abuse problem, and to try to overcome same, has been a huge disappointment to me and to the rest of his friends. His conduct at the Festivus party was erratic and embarrassing to witness. Furthermore, if he doesn't take steps to turn things around, we're not sure he's going to be around to celebrate Festivus next year.

We love the guy and we want him to get better. He surely can't be happy with the way things have been going. If he is, we assure him that he is the only one.

An ironic use of Christmas iconography and electronic glitter

2008-12-25T21:09:00.002-05:00

I stole the horrifying graphic above from a post I made last year, at which time I stole it from some other dude.

Theft. It's what's for Christmas. I hope yours has been a good one.

Bill "Smoochie" Gordon, 1925-2008

2008-12-24T14:10:00.003-05:00

This isn't exactly timely, as he died a week ago, but I did want to comment on the passing of Cleveland radio and television personality Bill "Smoochie" Gordon.

He worked for various Cleveland radio and TV stations at different times from the 1950s through the 1980s, occasionally quitting or being fired. At the peak of his popularity in the early 1960s he left Cleveland for California, but a few years later he came back to town.

I was never a listener, having been too young during his heyday, and not interested in personality-driven radio when I was coming of age. But I remember that my mom was a big fan of his. She used to listen every chance she could.

A few years ago, Gordon, then in his early 80s, happened to be at my place of employment to meet someone there. I was introduced to him, and found him to be spry and lively.

"My mom used to listen to you all the time," I told him.

"Is your mom still with us?" Gordon asked me.

I told him that she was, and he said "Can you get her on the phone?"

I could and did. "Mom, it's me," I told her. "There's someone here who wants to say hello to you."

Having asked for my mom's name before I placed the call, Gordon was ready. "Is this Eleanor?" he asked.

"Yes, it is," my mom said. "Who's this?"

Instead of answering, Gordon replied with his once-famous catchphrase: "Stay smoochie, you rascal, you!"

Despite not having heard him on the air for at least 20 years, my mom instantly knew that she was talking to Bill "Smoochie" Gordon. It made her day. It was a kind gesture on Gordon's part, and one clearly not done for self-aggrandizement. He just wanted to say hello to a former listener. I was mighty impressed with Gordon that day.

When I learned about his death, I figured I owed it to him to tell this story and to bid him rest in peace. Stay smoochie, Bill.

You can see more photos of Gordon at the Cleveland Memory Project website.

A Christmas miracle

2008-12-23T23:31:00.002-05:00

Although I can't fully endorse this work until he takes care of the typo in the sixth panel, August J. Pollak, also known as Some Guy With a Website, has a comical take on a holiday classic in this week's edition of his cartoon.

"I've actually made a few records in my day"

2008-12-22T23:21:00.003-05:00

Each December I like to post a link to what may be my favorite blog post of all time: Mark Evanier's account of the day that Mel Tormé was serenaded by Christmas carolers at the Farmer's Market in Los Angeles. It's a great story, and Evanier tells it well.

Please go over there and read it, and check out the rest of his blog as well.

Shopping daze

2008-12-21T23:27:00.002-05:00

Man, was it ever cold today. But I had to get my Christmas shopping done, and so I went out and did it.

I hope everybody likes Speedway gasoline cards and Browns jerseys with the name DORSEY lettered on the back, because that's what everybody's going to get.

Four Christmases

2008-12-20T23:56:00.001-05:00

This evening I stepped out on the town with a woman whom for purposes of, oh, let's say national security, I shall identify only as J., and the two of us saw the film Four Christmases.

As you know, because you've seen television commercials for this film about every fifteen minutes for the past month or so, Four Christmases stars metrosexual hunk Vince Vaughn and the lovely Reese Witherspoon. They portray an unmarried couple who, rather than deal with their dysfunctional family members each Christmas, go instead to places like Fiji. But wouldn't you know it, one year their plans go awry, and they are forced to spend part of Christmas Day at the homes of each of their parents. Old wounds are picked at, and old demons are brought to the fore. Wacky mishaps occur. People argue with one another, then make up. Babies spew all over the place. A casserole of bologna, mayonnaise, and potato chips is prepared. Old women lust after men half their age. Children kick grown men in the nuts. It's a comedy! Roll with it!

Four Christmases isn't the best film you'll see this year, unless the only other film you've seen all year is this one. But hey, it does sport five, count 'em, five, Oscar winners, and it delivers its share of laughs. Consider the pathos as a bonus.

After the movie, J. and I went to a world-class restaurant for conversation, coffee and peachberry pie. Yes, that's right, peachberry. Peaches and berries living in sin underneath the same crust! It's wild, I tells ya! Wild!

Line, please

2008-12-19T23:36:00.002-05:00

Dennis Perrin has a great post up about the fourth season, 1978-1979, of Saturday Night Live, recently made available as a 7-DVD set.

Perrin observes that much of the energy and attitude of that season's humor was fueled by cocaine, which was commonly used by most of the performers and writers on the show during that time. Truth be told, back then even many of the people watching the show at home were doing so with a mirror, a vial, and a rolled-up $20 bill on the coffee table in front of them. Of course what seems funny to coked-up writers and performers, and to a coked-up audience, probably seems less so to a straight person:

Some of the humor is cheap. Much of it is inspired, though a certain meanness comes through. When you watch these shows in bulk, comic aggression is immediate.

I have fond memories of watching some of the shows from that season, especially the one featuring Devo as the musical act. When it first aired in the fall of 1978, I watched it with my then-girlfriend and my best friend. As the spudboys launched into their spastic take on "Satisfaction," my buddy and I were transfixed.

"These guys are great!" we said to one another.

"These guys suck," said the then-GF. Right then I knew, for the first time, that she and I might not make it as a couple, which was borne out a few weeks later when she dumped me for a professor at the local college. He probably liked Rupert Holmes.

He's good enough, he's smart enough, and doggone it, people like him

2008-12-18T22:53:00.002-05:00

Despite the premature victory ejaculation of Senator Norm Coleman (Douchebag-MN), it looks as though the new year might usher in the start of the Al Franken decade:

The Minnesota state canvassing board has spent this week reviewing disputed ballots, which either side is arguing should be counted as a vote for themselves or not counted for the other guy. The board spent the last two days almost entirely on Franken's challenges, and is now getting started on Norm Coleman's.

We now have a good idea of the merits of Coleman's ballot challenges, a crucial missing piece of the puzzle here: They mostly stink, and Coleman is doing much worse than Franken did when the board was reviewing Al's challenges over the last two days.

If this math continues—which seems likely, but could go either way—Franken will very likely win.

Please, Jebus, let it be so.

The main problem

2008-12-17T23:40:00.000-05:00

Today on the east side of Cleveland an ancient water main, reportedly built by the Romans in the year 40 A.D., burst, causing a whole hell of a lot of water to flood the surrounding area. Eventually things got so bad that several local businesses and institutions found themselves without water, causing them to close.

My employer was among the afflicted, which meant we got to go home at 9:30 AM, while being paid for a full day's work. If you think school kids get excited when a snow day is called, that's nothing compared to the glee expressed by full-grown men and women who find that they get to go home six hours before their shift ends.

But the fun won't last forever. It's back to work for us tomorrow.

Inauguration tickets? Yeah, I've got 'em

2008-12-16T20:53:00.002-05:00

A few weeks ago I wrote to my Congressman, Dennis J. Kucinich, to try to obtain two tickets to the upcoming presidential inauguration. Remember that? I got this reply:

Thank you for contacting me regarding ticket requests for the Inauguration Swearing-In Ceremony on January 20, 2009. We have received your request and have added you to the waitlist. Please be aware that the waitlist does not guarantee tickets to the Inauguration Ceremony as Congressional Offices are allocated a limited number of tickets for their constituents. Please also be aware that we are receiving a large volume of requests and will do our best to accommodate as many people as possible.

Based on that response, I didn't expect anything. But today I got this email from someone in The Kooch's office:

Hello Anthony:

We are pleased to let you know that you will be receiving 2 tickets for the Inauguration of President-elect Barack Obama on January 20, 2009. It will be a day to celebrate and we expect everyone will be in good spirits. That being said, up to 3 million people are expected to arrive in Washington, DC for the festivities. To make your visit as pleasant and memorable as possible there are a number of specific requests/requirements/rules that you will need to observe on the day of the Inauguration.

Holy shit! I'm in!

So now all I need to do is to find lodging near the DC area during the most in-demand time of the year. Should be a snap, right?

I can't tell you why

2008-12-15T23:05:00.004-05:00

The Eagles beat the Browns tonight, 30-10.

Eagles quarterback Glenn Frey went 18 for 25 with two touchdown passes. Eagles fullback Joe Walsh ran for 135 yards and one touchdown, and Don Henley contributed three field goals, including one from 61 yards out. On the other side of the ball, defensive back Timothy B. Schmidt led the Eagles with five tackles and three quarterback sacks.

"It was another great performance by the Eagles," said coach Bill Szymczyk. "Tonight they played as well as they did back in the glory days of the late 1970s."

The Browns, who face the Bengals next week, fear a strong offensive performance from their quarterback Susanna Hoffs. Some reports indicate that Browns coach Romeo Crennel is trying to sign former Eagles tight end and current free agent Don Felder before next Sunday's game.

Duck, you sucker

2008-12-14T22:46:00.002-05:00

From USA Today:

President Bush quickly ducked when a pair of shoes were hurled at him Sunday, but the protest showed it will be tougher to sidestep anger over the war here.

"This is a gift from the Iraqis. This is the farewell kiss, you dog," shouted Muntadar al-Zeidi in Arabic as he threw his shoe at Bush during a news conference with Iraqi Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki. The shoe narrowly missed the president's head.

796

2008-12-13T23:08:00.002-05:00

Joe Posnanski recently made a case for why Rickey Henderson ought to receive 100% of the votes to be inducted into the Baseball Hall of Fame. Posnanski notes that among Henderson's many achievements:

Rickey Henderson walked 796 times in his career LEADING OFF AN INNING. Think about this again. There would be nothing, absolutely nothing, a pitcher would want to avoid more than walking Rickey Henderson to lead off an inning. And yet he walked SEVEN HUNDRED NINETY SIX times to lead off an inning.
He walked more times just leading off an in inning than Lou Brock, Roberto Clemente, Luis Aparicio, Ernie Banks, Kirby Puckett, Ryne Sandberg and more than 50 other Hall of Famers walked in their entire careers …

I simply cannot imagine a baseball statistic more staggering.

Neither can I.

The day the Earth stood still

2008-12-12T19:23:00.000-05:00

I haven't cared about this one for my entire life, but somehow I care even less about this version.

I do, however, like this song.

A man named Murray

2008-12-11T22:56:00.003-05:00

The other evening Ryan North of Dinosaur Comics fame sent a simple text message to Chris Hastings of Dr. McNinja fame. As fate would have it, that act resulted in Hastings's encountering none other than Bill Murray, who accepted an invitation to sing karaoke with Hastings and his friends.

Apparently Murray's been doing a lot of this kind of thing ever since his recent divorce. And why not? It beats the hell out of hanging around coffee shops with my laptop, which is what I did after mine.

Ebert v. Stein

2008-12-10T22:37:00.003-05:00

Earlier this year Visine pitchman and noted wingnut Ben Stein narrated a documentary called "Expelled," the aim of which was to make other wingnuts feel good about their belief in creationism and their disdain for science. The film took in about $83 at the box office, and was roundly denounced as being—how shall I put this?—a vapid piece of shit.

Roger Ebert recently got around to reviewing the film. He took Stein to school, as you might expect. Check it out.

An observation

2008-12-09T21:58:00.003-05:00

Granted, it's not like I'm outdoors digging a ditch for a living, but a workday that begins at 8 AM and ends at 11:10 PM is one mighty long workday, don't you think?

I have been at my workplace for 14 hours and I still have more than an hour to go. In the words of the immortal Snoopy: bleah.

Random Flickr-blogging: IMG_4481

2008-12-08T08:55:00.009-05:00

IMG_4481, originally uploaded by wojtek6801.

"I love Aunt Sally too, but let's face it, this is the lamest pop-up book ever!"

IMG_4481, originally uploaded by ntenny.

"Okay, now unscrew the top of the light fixture, and I'll hand you a new bulb."

IMG_4481, originally uploaded by Peter Bodik.

"What just happened in there? I went in to get a steak sandwich and a bottle of beer, and instead I walked out with a bag of cotton candy."

Explained.

Too much fun

2008-12-07T20:39:00.000-05:00

That's what I'll be having this Friday when I go hear Bill Kirchen and his band Too Much Fun perform at the Beachland Ballroom in Cleveland.

Never heard of the guy? Well, you probably have without knowing it. But check out this video:

Culinary report

2008-12-06T22:20:00.003-05:00

Like a lot of Americans, I eat a lot of stupid shit. I go to Arby's, for example. But one thing I have learned to stay away from is McDonald's Chicken McNuggets. I hadn't eaten those things in years, having decided that they taste like ass.

But today I was visiting my mom and my brother-in-law stopped by. He was hungry, and he went to McDonald's to get a snack (the same McD's, incidentally, from which I was fired more than 30 years ago, on the Wednesday evening before Thanksgiving). He came back to the house with thirty Chicken McNuggets. He'd ordered and paid for a ten-pack, but the McDonald's employees gave him not one, not two, but three ten-packs.

So: free McNuggets. My brother-in-law gave each of us a ten-pack and a little container of chipotle barbecue sauce. I took a McNugget and dipped it into the barbecue sauce. Verdict: McNuggets with chipotle barbecue sauce taste like chipotle-flavored ass. Even at the low, low price of free, these things are not fit for human consumption.

So if you have a brother-in-law, and he offers you free Chicken McNuggets from McDonald's, it may seem as though he has your best interests at heart. But do not succumb to the temptation. Walk away from the table, and go to Arby's instead.

Amigos, assholes, whatever

2008-12-05T22:52:00.003-05:00

From our friends at the New York Times comes this happy news:

The election is behind them but the three amigos—Senators John McCain, Joseph I. Lieberman and Lindsey Graham—are still jetting from place to place. Only now it is across South Asia.

South Asia? That's a good place for those three guys.

What's that? They're coming back home next week?

Shit.

Waterside

2008-12-04T23:25:00.002-05:00

I got nothin' again today, so I'm going to go to the YouTube vaults. My friend Wyatt wrote this song and dedicated it to his father. It's a pretty good song, made better thanks to Jan's backing vocals:

Out of time

2008-12-03T23:16:00.002-05:00

For the past few years, I've been accustomed to augmenting my meager income by working overtime one night a week. It's indoor work, no heavy lifting, and if they wanted to pay me time and a half under such circumstances, who was I to turn it down?

Well, today an email went out from The Brass: come 2009, no more overtime, at least not for cash. The only exceptions are for jobs deemed essential to the public safety, and I can assure you mine isn't such a one. 2009 will be a year for belt-tightening at Cartouche Manor, if indeed I can hang on to the Manor in the first place.

So if you see me hanging around the local thrift stores or soup kitchens, or simply ordering the Wendy's single combo instead of the double, please don't judge me. You, my friend, may be the next to suffer.

Meet depressed

2008-12-02T23:34:00.002-05:00

So David Gregory is going to take over the helm of NBC's Meet The Press, replacing the temporary host Tom Brokaw, who in turn has been replacing the late Tim Russert. I guess young Luke is still a little too young.

As Bob Cesca reminds us, Gregory is responsible for this piece of shit, for which he has yet to apologize.

Hurry up and wait

2008-12-01T22:21:00.004-05:00

A few weeks ago I emailed my congressman, The Honorable, The Unforgettable, The Lovable Dennis J. Kucinich, to ask for tickets to the inauguration ceremony in January. Today I got a response, sort of:

Thank you for contacting me regarding ticket requests for the Inauguration Swearing-In Ceremony on January 20, 2009. We have received your request and have added you to the waitlist. Please be aware that the waitlist does not guarantee tickets to the Inauguration Ceremony as Congressional Offices are allocated a limited number of tickets for their constituents. Please also be aware that we are receiving a large volume of requests and will do our best to accommodate as many people as possible.

I'm guessing the Browns have a better chance of making the playoffs than I do of getting inauguration tickets from The Kooch.

A little help

2008-11-30T23:19:00.001-05:00

I was busy doing laundry and going out for Mexican food this afternoon. Anyone know how the Browns did today?

At the level of press, radio, and films

2008-11-29T23:57:00.003-05:00

Since that doesn't mention blogs, I'll go ahead and pat myself on the back for recently having gone 21 years without a drink.

Anyone who knew me back in the day knows that I couldn't possibly have done that on my own. I owe it all to those who got sober before I did and were determined to stay that way, as well as to those who came on board after I did and also fought hard to keep the better way of life they'd come to know. Thanks to each and every one of you.

40 years later

2008-11-28T23:26:00.002-05:00

As I type this I'm listening to an NPR "All Songs Considered" program devoted to the 40th anniversary of the album The Beatles, commonly known as The White Album. I hadn't listened to the record in a couple of years and it's nice to be reminded of what a remarkable work it is.

You can listen to the program online.

Thanksgiving observation

2008-11-27T23:56:00.000-05:00

David Letterman and his mother seem to have more fun with each other on Thanksgiving than my own mom and I do. Then again, if I were earning $13 million a year, my mom might find me more easy to get along with.

I got better

2008-11-26T21:57:00.002-05:00

Let's hear it for plenty of bed rest, drinking lots of water and orange juice, and the occasional dose of Dec-Chlorphen syrup. Looks like I might make it to Thanksgiving after all!

Still sick

2008-11-25T22:58:00.000-05:00

I tried, though. I really did. I got up this morning, showered, got dressed, and drove to work. It didn't take me long to realize that I shouldn't have bothered. I left after an hour and went back home.

Tapped

2008-11-24T23:07:00.001-05:00

Today I was too sick to even read blogs, much less write something clever for this one. Check back tomorrow to see if I've recovered!

In the meantime, why not check out Tapped?

The suckingest bunch of sucks that ever sucked

2008-11-23T23:43:00.003-05:00

My God, even Sarah Palin has got to be feeling sorry for Romeo Crennel and the Cleveland Browns after today's game.

Will this game cost Crennel his job? Yes, I believe it will. Go ahead and tell me to fuck off if you want to, Phil Savage, but you don't have any more idea how to build a successful football franchise than George W. Bush knows about the works of Arthur Rimbaud.

Oh, and nice hands, Braylon.

The sorrow and the shitty

2008-11-22T23:39:00.002-05:00

Matt Taibbi of Rolling Stone examines the reasons why McCain/Palin got the shit kicked out of them a few weeks ago:

It sounds strange to say, but this election season may have done to the word "Republican" what 1972 did for the word "liberal": turned it into a poisonous sobriquet that no politician with bipartisan aspirations will ever again welcome. The Republicans didn't just break the party — they left it smashed into space dust. They weren't just beaten; the very idea of Republican conservatism was massively rejected in virtually every state where large chunks of the population do not believe in the literal existence of a horned devil, and even in some that do.

Read it all.

The Smothers Brothers

2008-11-21T21:24:00.003-05:00

Dennis Perrin, the author of the definitive biography of one of the best satirists of the twentieth century, has a good piece about the Smothers Brothers today on the Huffington Post.

I used to watch the Brothers on CBS every Sunday night when I was about 10 and 11 years old. Nearly all the political jokes and skits they did, and there were many, sailed right over my young head, but I got enough of the gist to know that these men weren't like most TV comedians. They were funny, but they could go from being gentle to lacerating in a way that I'd never seen anyone do. I would watch the show with my mom and dad and my sister. Dad and my sister never cared much for the show, but Mom and I loved it.

A new 4-DVD set of the best of the final season of the show has just been released. My mom got it for me for my birthday. I haven't begun to watch it yet, though. I want to wait until I can sit down and begin to watch it with her.

Unpopular asshole

2008-11-20T13:56:00.000-05:00

Apparently no one wanted to get blood on their hands.

Comical

2008-11-19T22:36:00.003-05:00

Today's edition of Stephan Pastis's "Pearls Before Swine" made me laugh out loud (click to enlarge):

I hate the clothes you're wearing, they're so pretty

2008-11-18T22:56:00.005-05:00

While driving to work today, I listened to the Mott The Hoople's Mott album on CD, the first time I'd done so in several months. Thanks to the snow, the trip took a little longer than usual. By a happy coincidence, the last track of the album, "I Wish I Was Your Mother," came on just as I was approaching my workplace.

I sang along with Ian Hunter as I'd done hundreds of times before, but when I got to the first line of the second stanza, I stopped short when I realized that Ian and I were singing the words

And I watch your warm glow palin'

OMG! He's singing about Sarah Palin! Way back in 1973, Ian Hunter foretold the arrival of Sarah Palin!

I began to think about it some more. The second song on the record is "Whizz Kid." That's our Sarah! The track after that? "Hymn for the Dudes." What does Sarah call her husband Todd? That's right, the First Dude! Later on there's a song called "Drivin' Sister." I mean, come on, people.

As the Beatles spoke to a handful of followers through the White Album, I have come to believe that Ian Hunter and Mick Ralphs are speaking to me through Mott. I will continue to listen to the record in hopes that more will be revealed. Ian and Mick will tell me what I need to do.

The version of "Mother" above is by Hunter and Mick Ronson. Enjoy.

I did not know that

2008-11-17T22:40:00.003-05:00

I've always liked Steely Dan. Perhaps the song of theirs that I like best is "Rikki, Don't Lose That Number." I've often wondered what the song was about, although my not knowing for certain has never kept me from enjoying it.

It turns out that the titular Rikki was probably the novelist Rikki Ducornet, whom Dan co-founder Donald Fagen knew when he attended Bard College, in Annandale, New York (which is mentioned in the Dan song "My Old School").

Now if someone would only tell me what "Brooklyn (Owes The Charmer Under Me)" is all about, I'll be all set.

How high the moon

2008-11-16T20:57:00.013-05:00

Thoughts upon attending the American Music Masters Series tribute concert to Les Paul last night:

Among the best players of the evening: ZZ Top's Billy Gibbons, Jennifer Batten (you've got to be pretty good to play in Jeff Beck's band; her work on "Lover" was astounding), Jeff Baxter (he may be a wingnut, but Messrs. Becker and Fagen didn't let slouches play guitar for them; Baxter nailed his rendition of Billy Strayhorn and Duke Ellington's "Take the 'A' Train), James Burton, and Toto's Steve Lukather.

People who disappointed: The Ventures (they seemed a little lackluster to me) and Slash. He did two songs. The first one was a lot of wankery and the second was only slightly better. I'm not the world's biggest G&R or Velvet Revolver fan, but I had high hopes for Slash, and his playing last night just didn't do it for me.

Before the concert, I always thought Richie Sambora sucked ass. Having heard him play, I now know that he sucks ass. He did two songs, a brand-new one which was just lame, and Bon Jovi's "Wanted Dead or Alive" (someone kept shouting out "Dead!" during this number … okay, that was me). At times Sambora seemed to think the night was about him instead of about Les Paul. Several times he bragged about how many records Bon Jovi had sold. I've been to five of these American Music Masters shows, and I've heard some of the greatest musicians of the last fifty years perform at them, many of whom are stars of far greater magnitude than Richie Sambora. Not once did I ever hear any of them brag about how many records they'd sold.

It cracks me up that Paul named his tape-looping device "The Les Paulverizer."

At 93 years old, Paul is a pretty amazing guy. He can't play as fast as he used to, but man, by the tme I'm this guy's age, I'll be dead for like 25 years. He still has a great sense of melody. His version of "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" was beautiful.

Paul's a pretty horny guy. Nicki Parrott, his bassist, is young and gorgeous, and Paul made several jokes about her attractiveness. At one point he said she was "a great ass…et" to the band, and he said that looking at her made him "feel like an abandoned building with a new flagpole." Parrott took the jokes in stride and made a few of her own. I guess it's easier to overlook that kind of sexism when it comes from a guy who is old enough to be your great-grandfather.

I'm really glad that the event sold out, and that Paul seemed to be genuinely moved by the kudos he got from the other musicians, and by the heartfelt applause of the fans.

Can a 93-year-old man still rock out?

2008-11-15T15:48:00.002-05:00

He can if he's Les Fucking Paul.

His tribute concert is sold out, but I bought my tickets weeks ago. You'll get a report tomorrow.

Joe the Plumber: Special Victims Unit

2008-11-14T11:33:00.006-05:00

Hey, guess who has one of those new interblogs? That's right, you betcha, it's "Samuel" the "Plumber" (sometimes called "Joe" the "Plumber").

"Well, shit, AC," I can hear you saying (I have excellent hearing). "Tell us what the URL is so we can go there and check it out for ourselves."

Well, okay, I will. It's SecureOurDream.com. Let's take a look at it, shall we?

First off, Joe gives what the young people call a "shout-out" to the next President, Barack Obama:

Congratulations to Barack Obama. The American electorate has decided that he will be our next president. As I have stated, I will honor and support my president, but there will be no free ride. When President-Elect Obama takes office in January, his term of service to the American people begins. We wish our new president blessings of wisdom and good judgment, and we pray he hearkens to our voice if ever we feel our American Dream is being threatened. It will be a loud voice, so good luck trying to ignore it.

You hear that, Obama? Good luck trying to ignore an Army of Plumbers! You better watch your ass, pal!

Hey, look! There's a "Joe the Blogger" tab! Let's click on it!

Coming Soon . . .

Another benefit to registered members with be a monthly subscription to Joe's blog, where he can share the latest on the fight for preserving Americas freedoms.

Wait, what? "Registered members"? "With be"? Let's go back and click on the FREE "We are Joe" Membership tab:

Demonstrate your support for Joe Wurzelbacher "Joe The Plumber" and register today.

You may upgrade to a Freedom Membership at any time for an annual membership fee of just $19.95, which includes:

1) Total Access to "Joe The Forum" where you may chat directly with Joe
2) Subscription to the "Joe The Blog" monthly newsletter
3) Free Shipping on all "Joe The Plumber" merchandise

***SPECIAL OFFER***

Get an Autographed Copy of Joe's Forthcoming Book and 1-Year Freedom Membership Subscription for just $14.95

Simply click on the link here and purchase Joe's book. PearlGate will take care of the rest to ensure you receive all the benefits of your Freedom Membership and your autographed copy of Joe's book, slated for release December 1, 2008.

Oh, now I get it! It's a profit deal!

Well, shit, of course we all want to get the Freedom Membership, right? Unless we hate America, which we don't!

***SPECIAL OFFER***

By demonstrating your support for Joe Wurzelbacher "Joe The Plumber" you will automatically be enrolled as a Freedom Member for one year, which includes:

1) Total Access to "Joe The Forum" where you may chat directly with Joe
2) Subscription to the "Joe The Blog" monthly newsletter
3) Free Shipping on all "Joe The Plumber" merchandise
4) Free Signed Copy of Joe's forthcoming book "Joe The Plumber" - Fighting for the American Dream (Paperback slated for release December 1, 2008)
5) Become an integral part of an American movement to restore our government to the people

That's a sweet deal, ladies and gentlemen! If enough of us sign up to be Freedom Members, just think, Joe will able to pay off his tax liens, buy that plumbing business that Barack Obama doesn't want him to have, and run for vice-president in 2012 as part of the the Palin/Plumber ticket. Who better to restore our government to the ~~white~~ people?

Glad and sorry

2008-11-13T22:48:00.002-05:00

Glad to read this:

Rod Stewart has announced that Ronnie Wood and the rest of the Faces are finally to regroup in the studio next week (November 17).

Sorry to think that it won't, that it can't, be the same without this guy.

Herb Score, 1933 - 2008

2008-11-12T21:25:00.015-05:00

Long ago, when I used to smoke marijuana, one of my friends, or maybe it was me, I really don't remember, decided that it would be clever to refer to the process of obtaining the drug as "making an Herb Score." Like nearly all stoner humor, this was only funny if you were in fact stoned, but even then it wouldn't have meant anything to you unless you grew up loving baseball in the city of Cleveland.

Which I did. I loved baseball, I loved the Cleveland Indians, and I loved Herb Score. I eventually stopped smoking pot, but I never stopped loving baseball, and I never stopped loving Herb Score.

Score was a left-handed pitcher for the Indians, and for a while there, he was a damn good one, one of the best there ever was. He joined the Indians as a rookie in 1955, winning 16 games and striking out a league-high 245 batters, 35 more—which is to say, four or five full good games' worth—than the league's runner-up did. Score made the American League All-Star team, and was was named the AL rookie of the year.

In 1956 Score got even better. He won 20 games—five of them shutouts—and lost only nine, and led the league in strikeouts again with 263, 71 more than the league's runner-up. Score made the AL All-Star team again as well.

Score began the 1957 season strong, winning two of his first four starts, and pitching complete games in three of those starts. But on May 7, 1957, Score was on the mound at Cleveland Municipal Stadium for a game against the New York Yankees when a line drive from the bat of Gil McDougald smashed Score in the face, breaking his nose and several facial bones. The accident ended Score's season.

Score recovered from his injuries and began the 1958 season in the Tribe's starting rotation, but pitched in only twelve games due to arm problems. When he came back in 1959, he wasn't the pitcher he used to be, winning only nine of his 25 starts. His ERA went up and his strikeout count went down. Score was traded to the Chicago White Sox shortly before the start of the 1960 season. He finished his career with the Sox, winning only six games for them in 1960 and 1961. After six innings of ineffective relief work over four games in 1962, Score knew it was time to stop. On May 4, 1962, nearly five years to the day after the McDougald line drive that nearly blinded him, Herb Score walked off the mound for good.

But he wasn't done with baseball, not by a long shot. In 1964 Score, still loved by Indians fans, was hired to do play-by-play for the Indians television broadcasting team. In 1968, upon the firing of Indians radio legend Jimmy Dudley, Score moved next door to the radio booth. For the next thirty years he did the play-by-play for nearly every Indians game.

And those were, by and large, thirty years of some pretty crappy baseball. The Indians were the joke of the league throughout most of the 1960s and nearly all of the 1970s and 1980s. Finally, in the strike year of 1994, the Tribe got good and stayed good. Score was behind the mike when the Indians won the AL pennant in 1995 and when they made the playoffs in 1996.

At some point in the 1997 season, Score decided that he'd had enough, and announced his plans to retire at the end of the season. That year the Indians won the pennant again, and faced the Florida Marlins in the World Series. That series wasn't exactly one for the books, but it was pretty dramatic if you were an Indians fan. The Indians and Marlins split the first six games, which meant that whoever won Game 7 would win the series.

Nearly everyone I know watched Game 7 on television with the sound turned off, and with Score on the radio. As much as we wanted to win the Indians win their first championship since 1948, we also wanted to hear Score announce it. We wanted the Indians to win for us, and for Herb Score.

The Indians took a one-run lead into the ninth inning, only to have Jose Mesa, their closer, give up the tying run. The game was decided in the bottom of the eleventh inning, when Marlins shortstop Edgar Renteria singled off Charlie Nagy, driving in the winning run.

"That's it," I remember Score saying, sounding twenty years older than he really was. "The Indians lose. The Indians lose." What a way, what a typically Cleveland sports way, to end a broadcasting career.

The last ten years of Score's life were not good ones. In 1998 he was involved in an auto accident which nearly cost him his life and which left him injured and hospitalized for a long time. When he got out of the hospital, he was never the same.

One day in the summer of 1998, a few months before the accident, I was out driving with my son when a grey-haired man in a convertible passed us. My son and I looked at each other in amazement.

"Was that . . . " I began to ask him.

"Dad! That was Herb Score!" he replied.

I don't know it was really him or not. I don't even know whether he had owned a convertible or not. But I would like to think that he did, and that it was him, and that on that warm summer afternoon, Herb Score was enjoying the day, and enjoying his life.

Rest in peace, Herb.

Score's career stats can be found here. For an eloquent tribute to Score, check out this piece by Justice B. Hill. The Cleveland State University Library's Cleveland Memory Project currently features Score, and includes a dozen photographs of him, including the one at the top of this post.

Update: Joe Posnanski's tribute to Herb is typically poignant, and not to be missed.

Let's you and him fight

2008-11-11T20:31:00.005-05:00

One of the greatest things about Obama winning the election is the chance to sit back with a tub of popcorn and a gallon of iced tea and to watch the rightwingers go after one another. My current favorite clash of the titans is the one between Jeff Goldstein of Protein Wisdom and Patrick Frey of Patterico's Pontifications. It's good clean fun watching these two guys, each of whom has an exceedingly stupidly-named blog, attack one another as they do here and here.

Gentlemen, I salute you. Don't ever change.

Even the losers get lucky sometimes. And sometimes, in fact most of the time, they fail in an epic fashion.

2008-11-10T22:51:00.005-05:00

I'm tapped out this evening, but I urge you to read the latest by Roy Edroso, who has some acerbic observations about the mythic "Michelle Obama rails about Whitey" tape and those who click their heels together each day in hopes that the tape will, against all odds, materialize soon.

It looks as though we'll get to hear Chinese Democracy before we hear the Michelle Obama joint.

Random Flickr-blogging: IMG_0416

2008-11-09T22:54:00.005-05:00

IMG_0416, originally uploaded by Sim Dawdler.

"I'm sorry, Sandy. I thought you liked Kenny Chesney."

IMG_0416, originally uploaded by John Cornicello.

"Well, Nutkin? Does it say anything about how to get to Owl Island?"

IMG 0416 e3, originally uploaded by ericparker.

"Now that I've seen his picture, I have to admit that that tourist was right. I do look a little bit like Lyle Lovett."

IMG_0416, originally uploaded by mikeatwestern.

"All my life I've dreamed of visiting the Coors Light Monument. I love you guys!"

Explained.

Failure Force Five

2008-11-08T16:59:00.002-05:00

Brad Reed of AlterNet and Sadly, No! fame has a good piece up today on the five biggest flops of the right in the 2008 election campaign. It must have been hard narrowing it down to a mere five.

Democracy in action

2008-11-07T23:38:00.004-05:00

Maybe this is a hoax, but it looks authentic enough to me.

Some guy, identified here only as Roger, went to vote in the presidential election, but didn't want to vote for either McCain or Obama. Instead, he wanted to elect George W. Bush to a third term.How do people like this function in modern society?

Via.

The Obama Rap

2008-11-06T19:43:00.004-05:00

Longtime readers of this blog are aware of my career as a member of the OMFG. Well, here's my latest joint, written on Election Day.

And I had best not hear about Fiddy or Diddy or any of those guys biting these rhymes. That would make me mad, and you wouldn't like me when I get mad.

THE OBAMA RAP

The GOP can run but it can't be hidin'
From Barack Hussein Obama and Big Joe Biden

After Bush and Cheney's eight years of greed
And rank incompetence, you know what we need

We need big change and you better not forget it
And in 2009 we are finally gonna get it

You know how we roll, you know that we're ridin'
With Barack Hussein Obama and Big Joe Biden

We've been working real hard tryin' to get out the vote
We're gonna hand John McCain his hat and his coat

And you betcha, Sarah Palin, that we're cuttin' you loose
Take Todd back to Alaska and go eat another moose

The people have spoken and we've said that we're sidin'
With Barack Hussein Obama and Big Joe Biden

It's gonna take hard work to get our country healed
We need to be careful with the power we wield

And today is not the end, it is just the beginning
The game has just started, we're only in the first inning

But today we're rounding third, into home plate we're slidin'
With Barack Hussein Obama and Big Joe Biden

Win

2008-11-05T15:45:00.002-05:00

It's been nearly 17 hours since the networks called the election for Barack Obama, and part of me still can't get over it. To think that the majority of American voters actually did the right thing and rejected the politics of fear and division simply floors me.

And even though I was part of the effort, and had a first-hand view of how well organized and how heavily financed the operation was, I still can't believe that my fellow Ohioans chose Obama over John McCain. I spent most of the day yesterday driving from one polling place to another, making sure that things were running smoothly, and reporting back to the Obama campaign. I saw an awful lot of people who looked like they'd never voted before, and not all of them were Obama voters. To me it looked as though many people had come out to vote against "the black guy." Maybe I was wrong, I may never know, but it doesn't really matter today. What matters is that the majority of voting Ohioans walked up to the booth and chose the black guy with the funny name instead of the white war hero.

I'm proud of my state and my country today. It's been a long time since I was able to say that.

"Let's drag McCain to victory!"

2008-11-04T08:03:00.004-05:00

Wingnuts. They're so cute when they try to write English prose! Here's an actual comment left by one mgarnett25 over at the site of the excreable Gateway Pundit:

HELLO FRIENDS!

Tonight, all across the fruited plains, Americans are preparing to cast a vote for AMERICAS PAST, IT’S PRESENT and IT’S FUTURE… Men and Women, of every race, every social background, every economic status… They will do thier duty, to honor all those who have given us the ability to participate in this “MOST BEAUTIFUL EXPERIMENT”, this land that GOD has blessed with bounty from Sea to shining Sea… My friends, tonight we pray, we gerd our loins for the battle of our time, our Getteysburg, our Iwo Jima, our Battle of the Buldge… It is OUR TURN! It is OUR TIME! We MUST NOT FAIL to protect and defend the Constitution, the Bill of Rights! To protect our families, our friends, our neighbors… The enemy is at the gate, our time is NOW! Stand with me and FIGHT FOR YOUR FREEDOMS as so many have done before us… Let’s drag McCain to victory for our COURTS, OUR MILITARY, OUR SCHOOLS, OUR FLAG and OUR RELIGIONS! Sleep well America, for tomorrow we battle for our very lives as Americans, it’s THAT INPORTANT! God bless our efforts, and with his will we WILL PREVAIL against the biggest challenge, the biggest THREAT of our time… Rest well America, for we are comming out by the MILLIONS tommorrow to DEFEND you once again…

Blue text mine, CAPS SHOUTING his. I can't decide which part of this makes me laugh hardest. Right now it's a tossup between "gerd our loins" and "it's THAT INPORTANT!"

It will be so fucking sweet to know that idiots like this one are going to be choking on their bile once it sinks in to their thick skulls that the next president will be Barack Hussein Obama.

With apologies to Vic Mizzy

2008-11-03T13:17:00.006-05:00

While passing out candy to trick-or-treaters on Halloween night, my friend Jim composed this timely ditty. It is to be sung to the tune of the "Addams Family" theme, which was written by Vic Mizzy:

PALIN AND McCAIN

They're scary and they're crazy,
they're stupid and they're lazy,
their platform's really hazy,
they're Palin and McCain!

Dee-dee-dee-dee --
elite!

Dee-dee-dee-dee --
effete!

Dee-dee-dee-dee --
dee-dee-dee-dee --
dee-dee-dee-dee --
not sweet!

So gather at the polls now,
the nation to us calls now,
we've got to bust the balls now,
of Palin and McCain!

Dee-dee-dee-dee --
they cheat!

Dee-dee-dee-dee --
no sheeeet!

Dee-dee-dee-dee --
dee-dee-dee-dee --
dee-dee-dee-dee --
de-feat!

And there you have it. Good work, Jim, and thanks for allowing me to post this here!

Rally time

2008-11-02T23:39:00.005-05:00

I spent my Sunday the way 80,000 other people in Cleveland did, by going downtown and trying to see Barack Obama and Bruce Springsteen.

Under the erroneous assumption that we had gotten downtown early, my companion and I made the tactical error of ducking into a nearby bar called Moe's (no, not this one) to bide time, to quaff beer (in her case) and ginger ale (in mine), and to watch the Browns try to beat the Ravens. We saw Josh Cribbs return a kick for a 92-yard touchdown, but other than that, the Moe's gambit was an ill-advised one. By the time we left there, thousands of people had formed a line on E. 9th Street, trying to get into Mall B where Obama and Broooooce were going to speak.

We wound up taking the advice of Cleveland police, who told those of us that far back in the line that our chances of actually getting in to Mall B were poor (downgraded from "iffy" a few minutes before that), and that we would be better served by just walking to the nearby Malls A or C, where we would not be subjected to metal detectors, and could watch and listen to the doings via a large Jumbotron-style screen.

We staked out a spot which afforded us a rail on which to lean, and waited. And waited. And waited. Eventually we got to see The Boss come out and do a few songs, followed by a speech by the next President of the United States of America. I'm not prone to cheap sentiment, but it was inspiring.

The size of the crowd was impressive, and bodes well, I think, for the state going to the Democrats this time out. If it does, it'll be virtually impossible for McCain to find enough electoral votes to win the election.

Ground game

2008-11-01T23:49:00.000-04:00

I'm writing this from the local Obama campaign headquarters. It's nearly midnight on a Saturday night, and there are at least 20 people here, maybe more like 30. Some of them are paid campaign staffers, and others are volunteers like me.

I've been scanning data sheets listing results of door-to-door canvassing and phone bank calls. By taking the time to open a second tab on my browser to put up this post, I'm fucking off, which makes me the only person here so doing. Everyone else is working hard at one task or another, all with the intent of maximizing resources here in Cuyahoga County to get Obama elected. Obama may be leading nationwide and in Ohio, and he will damn sure get more votes than McCain in the county, but everyone here is working as though we're fifteen points behind rather than sitting on a lead. I've been volunteering for Democratic presidential candidates since 1988 and this is by far the best-run organization I've ever been involved with.

There will be a rally tomorrow in downtown Cleveland, with Barack and Michelle Obama, and some guy named Bruce Springsteen. I intend to go down to check it out. Me and probably 20,000 other people. We'll see how it goes.

"We The People": guest commentary by Wyatt Reed

2008-10-31T13:29:00.010-04:00

My friend Wyatt Reed recently wrote the essay below. As he is too busy running the various aspects of his multimedia empire to maintain his own blog, I offered to run it here as a guest commentary, and he graciously consented.

I'm proud to be able to give a platform to this thoughtful, and thought-provoking, essay. Your feedback can be left in the comments section here, or sent to Wyatt via email.

We The People
by Wyatt Reed

The upcoming election has been one of the most bitterly fought campaigns anyone can remember, and we can easily identify a number of good reasons for that. Most obviously, we are engaged in a great political battle over the definition of American ideology—what it means to be American. But I propose that even though the ideological struggle is without doubt a core issue, in its totality the struggle goes much deeper. I believe the fires of passion have been loosed to the degree we are witnessing because the real battleground is over the most fundamental issue of all—what it means to be human.

Although in deference to the level of refinement we hope our society has reached we make efforts to deny it publicly, there is little doubt to anyone who has spent any time at all considering it that the specter of racism is a truly driving force in this drama. And it is not just in the sense of identifiable racists striving to defeat one of the candidates in order to preserve racial boundaries to their liking. There are, conversely, many who support the same candidate in order to use his race to alter racial boundaries to their own liking.

In different ages and under different circumstances variants of racism ironically served a necessary end—self-preservation. In times of far less access to vital resources, deciding how and to whom you would dole out what precious little you had was an all-consuming, day-to-day struggle, a true matter of life or death. Consequently, making a clear distinction between "us" and "them"—that is, preserving your own DNA in modern scientific terms— was crucial. Race was simply a convenient way to quickly distinguish between "friend" and "foe." Similar behavior patterns still exist to this day as a biological imperative in every life form—merely countless generations of cold, unthinking survival instinct.

However, we're quite curious creatures whose biology is in great measure defined by our culture, and what was once a survival tool is now culturally destructive. We've come to the point where our culture has made us so dependent upon each other that including all people in the concept of "us" is now the only real way to continue life as we understand it.

But eons of biological programming won't die easily. Even though the majority of Americans understand we've entered a new era, for whatever personal reasons there are still many who are not yet prepared to let go of old ways. Consequently, we are now engaged in more than a struggle over political ideology, no matter how tooth-and-nail tough it may be. So what does this mean?

For better or worse, we are—as stated—creatures who are defined by culture. And now, for better or worse, we are in the delicate position of having the culture defined by us. No matter which candidate actually wins this election, the vicious nature of the present contest might actually be a blessing in disguise. There will always be those who can only think in terms of black and white—quite literally—but the rest of us must accept that fact, get beyond it, and continue forward. By placing this monumental issue so inescapably on the center stage of history, chance has forced us to face what might be the last and greatest struggle over the definition of being American—and that is the very definition of being human.

One of the most stirring statements ever penned by the hand of man was the simple phrase We the People. Three little words that so completely sum up both this great nation and the age-old dream of democracy. Now we have the awesome, and wonderful, responsibility to decide just who We the People are.

Whatever we decide, we must make it the best decision possible.

The thirteenth strike

2008-10-31T13:10:00.001-04:00

Life can be terribly unfair.

Moments after Don Doane bowled a 300 game, apparently the first time he'd ever done so, he dropped dead of a heart attack:

Minutes after achieving the lifelong goal of a perfect game, the 62-year-old bowler collapsed and died at Ravenna Bowl in Ravenna, Michigan. "Don just collapsed," says alley owner Jim Nutt. "At first we thought he just fainted." "Then when I rolled him over I realized it wasn't good," says teammate Todd Place.

At least the poor guy died doing something he loved with friends he'd known for a long time. Still, it sucks that he didn't get to savor his accomplishment over a bottle of beer or two.

Congratulations, Don, and rest in peace.

Cracked rear view

2008-10-30T14:27:00.001-04:00

I hope I see this ad 150 times between now and Tuesday afternoon.

Get a grip

2008-10-30T13:14:00.005-04:00

Joe Perry, who plays guitar for a band which hasn't recorded a decent album since 1976, has endorsed John McCain for president.

A lifelong Republican, [Perry] said he was inspired to come forward because of ringing McCain endorsements from Rudy Giuliani and California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger.

What an asshole. Same old story, same old song and dance.

Via.

One smart dog

2008-10-29T23:42:00.000-04:00

I've seen this video at several different sites today, so maybe you have too. But in case you haven't: enjoy.

The Beast and me

2008-10-28T21:04:00.004-04:00

Tina Brown recently launched a new site called The Daily Beast. With its lineup of bigfoot and semi-bigfoot online journalists, including Max Blumenthal, MIchael Kinsley, Christopher Buckley, and Ana Marie Cox, it looks as though Brown is trying to model the site after The Huffington Post.

Too often, though, Brown has front-paged articles solely for their contrarian positions and in-your-face headlines. Cases in point: Elaine Lafferty's vapid "Sarah Palin's a Brainiac," and a kiss-off to the Democratic party from Wendy Button, a former speechwriter for Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, and John Edwards. Both of these essays were less than persuasive, and both carried airs of "you'll just have to trust me on this." Sorry, no sale.

I know many people disagree, but I happen to like what Brown did when she was at the helm of The New Yorker, infusing it with a modern sensibility while somehow keeping intact its air of literary gentility. For that reason I wouldn't count her, or The Daily Beast, out just yet. But they'll have to pick up their game a little in order to impress me.

Randon Flickr-blogging: img_4200

2008-10-27T09:29:00.011-04:00

It's back. Yay!

IMG_4200.JPG, originally uploaded by kingdufus.

Next stop: the station to board the Clue Train.

IMG_4200, originally uploaded by mahremaley.

O NOES!!!1!!! IF WE LET TEH GAYZ GET MARRIED THEN PEOPLE LIKE THIS DOOD WILL WANT 2 MARRY THEIR CATS!!!!!!!!1!!ONE!!! GOD MADE ADAM AND EVE, NOT ADAM AND FLUFFY McLUMPKIN!!!!!

VOTE NOES ON CALIFORNIA PROPOSITION EI8HT!!!1!!1!!!

IMG_4200, originally uploaded by wrecklessweetie.

"Well, this is pretty humiliating. If I ever have a son of my own, I'll do him a favor and not name him Bo."

Carved up

2008-10-26T23:33:00.003-04:00

Why Democrats are more clever than Republicans, part 4,611: The Ashley Todd jack-o'-lantern. Does Peter Feldman know about this?

Via.

A confession

2008-10-25T23:28:00.001-04:00

I spent part of today watching this film for the first time.

And I enjoyed it. I might even see the sequel.

Tossed salad and scrambled facts

2008-10-24T22:52:00.002-04:00

Roger Ailes (the good one, not the pusbag who runs Fox News) calls bullshit on wingnut Kelsey Grammer's latest whinefest.

Joe the plumb crazy asshole

2008-10-23T23:53:00.002-04:00

Hey Joe, where you goin' with that phone in your hand?

A 911 tape, reportedly of Sen. John McCain 's brother Joe, could prove controversial for the McCain camp since the call was not for an emergency, but rather to complain about being stuck in traffic.

The call came into Alexandria's 911 system on October 21.

Operator: 911, state your emergency.

Caller: It's not an emergency, but do you know why on one side at the damn drawbridge of 95 traffic is stopped for 15 minutes and yet traffic's coming the other way?

Operator: Sir, are you calling 911 to complain about traffic? (pause)

Caller: "(Expletive) you." (caller hangs up)

The complaint call about traffic on the Wilson Bridge forced the 911 dispatcher to call back. The voice mail on the other end appears to belong to Joe McCain, brother of presidential candidate John McCain.

"Hi, this is Joe McCain. I can't take this message now because I'm involved in a very (inaudible) important political project. I hope on November 4th we have elected John."

You can hear the call at the site of WJLA, the ABC television affiliate in Washington, D.C.

538

2008-10-22T23:37:00.003-04:00

For the past few weeks, the first web site I've been checking every morning, yes, even before the ones that offer me sweet, sweet discounts on boner pills and Rogaine, has been FiveThirtyEight.com, so that I can see the results of the latest election tracking polls.

There are other sites where you can get that kind of poll data, but the people at FiveThirtyEight do a stellar job of analyzing the data, showing what the trends are, pointing out which polls seem to be the most accurate, which data might be suspect, etc. Check them out, if you're not already in the habit of doing so.

Oh, by the way, those boner pills aren't for me, no sir. I buy them for a friend who's too shy to do it himself. And the Rogaine, well, that's for some other guy I know. Those medications are for my buddies Little Willy and Curly Joe. They're not for me.

Yeah, that's the ticket.

Cold? What cold?

2008-10-21T16:08:00.003-04:00

Two capsules of this stuff and I was out like a light, and I woke up cured. Thanks, Procter & Gamble!

A colleague just sent me a link to this, and it was too good not to share. I hereby present The Ukulele Orchestra of Great Britain playing the Theme from Shaft:

I'm coming down with a cold

2008-10-20T22:14:00.002-04:00

A few minutes ago I took some cold medicine. In half an hour I hope to be asleep. Of course by the time you read this I could well be awake again. It's pretty hard to say.

The shock to my immune system upon reading this, I think, is largely responsible for my condition. As Jane Ace used to say, you could have knocked me over with a fender.

Put a bloody sock in it

2008-10-19T23:48:00.003-04:00

Although I do respect Charles Pierce, and I own nearly every album The Cars ever made, I hate Curt Schilling and Kevin Youkilis even more.

Congratulations to the Tampa Bay Rays, your 2008 American League champions. Enjoy that victory champagne, but be sure to follow the new Joba rule and take a taxi when you're done celebrating.

Meet the Republicans

2008-10-18T23:42:00.000-04:00

Why don't they all just join the KKK and get it over with?

Bachmann Turner (Diaries) overdrive

2008-10-17T22:37:00.002-04:00

How do assholes like this get elected anywhere north of the Mason-Dixon line?

Uh, no, it's not

2008-10-16T11:32:00.004-04:00

I just got this email from BMG Music Club:

From: BMG Music Service
To: Anthony Cartouche
Subject: Your Pat Benatar Featured Selection is here!

Plumbin' Joe is an asshole

2008-10-15T23:40:00.000-04:00

What a surprise.